Leah (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} thepoolhasaids) wrote,@ 2009-06-30 00:15:00 |
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I wish I had my own house.
I would like time to myself like that--- to sleep alone in a house and know what it's like to be lonely. I need that.
I'm starting to need more and more space, excluding the company of Clay. It's not a bad thing, but happens all the time to me now. that might be a good thing. Not as much separation anxiety or whatever it is.
I need more intellectual stimulation from somebody, though--- someone to turn my worlds upside-down with their views on the human condition, whether people are inherantly good or bad, etc. I NEED that, and I can't find it right now. Which is okay, I can't have that kind of stimulation always, and it was a bad thing for me to be accustomed to, but hell.
Today, Ben Tregambo spilled two milkshakes, a few glasses of water, and a pitcher of coffee on me and my stuff, so he didn't charge me for the coffee I ordered. It was rad, but the whole scene may have been somewhat embarrassing for him. We left a rad tip.
Did I mention that I finished my Cinema Strange shirt? I gave the stencil to Micah as a white flag, through Clay, but he refused to see me, which was lame. He was being a real dick about it, making up excuses. I'm not used to being avoided, or a grudge being held against me. This kind of awkwardness between friends is starting to freak me out, because honestly I thought he was over it (I am) and I wouldn't mind being friends again, but he has a real mental block against it. Maybe it's for the better--- maybe I want something from him, still, and I don't need that kind of split feeling right now. I don't want to think that its true, but maybe it is. Clay says it probably is, and I trust him. I'm just happy in my current relationship and I don't want to admit that something may compromise it, in theory. Sometimes you just have to let go, even if the friendship is worth fighting for.
Last night, Clay, DJ, Khundy and I sat on the front porch and played guitar for an hour before we went to Shaun's to party in honor of Judy Ehlers. (the conversation I had with Greg broke my heart about it--- his MOTHER, for fuck's sake. . ) it was cool--- Clay bought a bass! He has his own amp and everything, we make music together and DJ plays the piano, it's so cool.
Anyway. . . yeah.
I would like time to myself like that--- to sleep alone in a house and know what it's like to be lonely. I need that.
I'm starting to need more and more space, excluding the company of Clay. It's not a bad thing, but happens all the time to me now. that might be a good thing. Not as much separation anxiety or whatever it is.
I need more intellectual stimulation from somebody, though--- someone to turn my worlds upside-down with their views on the human condition, whether people are inherantly good or bad, etc. I NEED that, and I can't find it right now. Which is okay, I can't have that kind of stimulation always, and it was a bad thing for me to be accustomed to, but hell.
Today, Ben Tregambo spilled two milkshakes, a few glasses of water, and a pitcher of coffee on me and my stuff, so he didn't charge me for the coffee I ordered. It was rad, but the whole scene may have been somewhat embarrassing for him. We left a rad tip.
Did I mention that I finished my Cinema Strange shirt? I gave the stencil to Micah as a white flag, through Clay, but he refused to see me, which was lame. He was being a real dick about it, making up excuses. I'm not used to being avoided, or a grudge being held against me. This kind of awkwardness between friends is starting to freak me out, because honestly I thought he was over it (I am) and I wouldn't mind being friends again, but he has a real mental block against it. Maybe it's for the better--- maybe I want something from him, still, and I don't need that kind of split feeling right now. I don't want to think that its true, but maybe it is. Clay says it probably is, and I trust him. I'm just happy in my current relationship and I don't want to admit that something may compromise it, in theory. Sometimes you just have to let go, even if the friendship is worth fighting for.
Last night, Clay, DJ, Khundy and I sat on the front porch and played guitar for an hour before we went to Shaun's to party in honor of Judy Ehlers. (the conversation I had with Greg broke my heart about it--- his MOTHER, for fuck's sake. . ) it was cool--- Clay bought a bass! He has his own amp and everything, we make music together and DJ plays the piano, it's so cool.
Anyway. . . yeah.
